Episode 75: The Title Says It All

November 1, 2022

Sorry we couldn’t get this to you in time for Halloween, my internet connection fell into a bit of a vampire trance it would seem. Anyway, I hope you’ll still allow us to belatedly celebrate Disney Channel’s favorite time of year, when they can flex their monopoly on spooky movie vibes. Only problem is…they have too many! We needed help deciding what to watch and enlisted you all to help via twitter poll. So now, as voted by you, we are joining the Hansen family as they have a night on the town…for better or worse. See, everyone’s dealing with one simple fact: Mom’s Got A Date With A Vampire!

Emma can’t get over a line delivery and delivers some breaking news.

Lucas finally gets to use a funny voice and flexes his limited vampire knowledge.

Talking Points: The Killer Adult Cast, Kirkland Culkin, Monster Kid, The Mysterious Hot Peter, DCOM Dracula, THE SILVER DEBATE, Drugs: A Real Life Vampire’s Trance, Confusing Age Castings, A Terrible Offscreen Father, The Duffy Drug Effect, Secret Vampires, A Little Extra Budget, Selling Women To Internet Strangers, The Bailey School Kids vs. The Boxcar Children, Pancake Manipulation, Kids Hitting on Men in a Supermarket, Unplaceable Vampire Accents, Taylor “MMMBop” Hanson, Does Vampire Hunter = Magician?, Vampires Are Automatically Rich (But Still Not Real), The Spoon Test, Vampire Buddy-Cop Movie, Make-Out Point, Vampires Hate Rockabilly, Ricki and the Flash, Stick It In Your Craw, Boomer: The Worst Man Alive, Random Emotional Moments, We Do Not Negotiate With Vampires In America, There’s Always Time For A Racial Stereotype, The Terrible Phone Metaphor, What Time Is It?, Vampire Boundaries, What Happens In Budapest, No One Respects Vampire Powers, Vampires…Still Kinda Hot Tho

Music: “Maybe” Performed by The Royal Crowns and Alicia McCracken Morgan

Episode 74: Nonstop References to Horse Death

October 15, 2022

Giddyup y’all! We’ve got another horse-based film for you this month, as we take a look at Ready to Run. In many ways, it feels like a pretty standard story about a child coming of age and taking on the world of sports the same way their father did before he died. Except…sigh…there is a particular thing that happens in this movie that ruins the whole thing and…why am I trying to keep things vague? The horses freaking talk gang! No one will care if I spoil that, right? It’s kind of important to our discussion so…head’s up.

Emma loves Seabiscuit and is telling you to Don’t Worry Dohring.

Lucas wants more stakes/investment and just now gets the Jeremy Renner app.

Talking Points: Disney+ Acquisition, Subverting Expectations…But Badly, Sinbad Must Have Had A Terrible Agent, Horse Names, Gun Censorship, Researching the Patriarchal Jockey Community, The Cartoonishly Evil Villain, Everything Is Around the Racetrack, Toothpick Gambling, A Horse Loose At Carl’s Jr, Low Effort Talking Animals, Stud Farms, Pointless Moody’s Sweet Tricks, The Worst Financial Decision of All Time, Spooking A Horse Into Greatness, Obvious Flirting, The Rhythm of the Horse, The Terrible Soundtrack, Casually Dropping A Deeply Sad Story, How Does a Horse Wear Headphones?, The Viral Appeal of A Headphone-Wearing Horse, A Man Intimidating a Horse, Everyone’s Favorite Segment, The Worst Kept Secret, A Psychic Link With a Horse, The Worst Rescue Attempt Ever, A Pointless Amount of Money, A Solid Heart-to-Heart, Road Trip!, The French/British Announcer, Gamer Girl Headphones, The “Twist”: Horse Spectators, WHO IS CRUMPY, Inconsistent Horse Colors, The Actual Twist, Yelling At An Official, Undercutting The Entire Journey, DJ’ing for Horses, The Kinsey Scale vs. The Dohring Scale, Get Your Votes In For Halloween!

Episode 73: Goldenthroat, This Is Jazz Square

September 30, 2022

WHAT TIME IS - Ahem. Sorry, I should show some restraint. There’s enough of our ecstatic energy poured into every single second of this episode to power a city, I should keep things chill in the description. Ahem. Hello everyone. We are so excited to be starting this season off with a crowd favorite, the summertime sequel to the cultural phenomenon of HSM. Did it live up to the original? Does it stand on its own as- AHHH OF COURSE! THIS MOVIE IS SO GOOD!!! INJECT IT INTO MY VEINS!!!

Lucas feels more alive than ever before and is being given nothing.

Emma tries hard to make a Christ metaphor and stans Sharpay more than ever.

Talking Points: Controversial Opinions, How You Know You’ve Grown Up, A Sequel That Knows It’s A Sequel, Diegetic vs Non-Diegetic Dancing, Missing Miss Darbus, A Staple Summer Movie, Zac Efron’s Kinetic Acting, Memorable Bonus Features, Tolerable Gabriella, Evolving Sharpay and Ryan, We Should All Be More Like Zeke, The Ryan-Sharpay Weirdness, Kiss Baiting, Needs More Coach Bolton, The Fantastic Mr. Fulton, Soaring/Flying Budgets, Sharpay Is a Disney Villain Now, Creative Differences With Dyllan, THE GOLF SHOES, Fix The Hat, Machiavellian Manipulations, The Extended Edition, Troy’s Golf Lessons, 35-Year-Old College Athletes, The Toxic DCOMedy Community, The Ryan/Chad Chemistry, Ryan Evans: Lady Killer, Angry Troy, A Brief Tangent About HSM3, Sharpay’s Ultimate Hubris, Gabriella Confronts Sharpay (Badly), Troy’s Actually Doing Fine, Coach Bolton’s Steaming Meat, Bet On It (Nuff Said), The Gay Angel of Love, The Quail Tangent, The Most Fun Looking Pool Party of All Time, Miley Cyrus’s DCOM Debut

Music: “What Time Is It” and “All for One” performed by the cast of High School Musical 2

Episode 72: The Damp Bandits 2 - Lost in the City

August 31, 2022

All right audience, your parents have gone out for the evening and left you in our capable hands. Don’t worry, because we have a super-fun night planned for you! We’re gonna play games, make snacks, and we’ll read you a bedtime stor-huh? You’d rather we just talk your ears off all about the 2016 remake-ish of Adventures in Babysitting? Well okay, just so long as you get to bed on time!

Emma needs to stop being so suspicious and relives sneaking out at age four.

Lucas is impressed by this script and doesn’t know anything about scalping.

Talking Points: Is This a Remake?, Double the Sitters, A Mary Kate and Ashley Situation, Car Eyelashes, A Young Adult Protagonist, A Smoothie Cellphone Swap, HOT COP, Children’s Roller Derby, One-Note Children, The Mysterious City, The Oliver and Company Scale, Pawn Shop Tickets: A Classic Tradition, Babysitting Rules, A Lola Move, The Illegal Ferret Trade, Money Problems, Definitely Not How Tattoo Stores Work, Pointless Mean Girls, Balance Between the Babysitters, The Overly Long Factory Chase, The Least Badass Stunt Possible, Roller Derby’s Honor, Police Station Self-Realization, Jailer Swift, Party Mom, Adventures in Warehousing, Babysitter Rap Battle, The Lowest Bar of Deception Possible, Bobby Flay Becomes Gordon Ramsay, Cutting Kids, Creepy Uncles, The Ferret Gets Out, Zack Isn’t That Big a Deal, The Film’s True Hero: A Super Slow Valet, Speed-running Bribery, A Shirt-based Makeover, Zack’s Comically Large Truck, Chill Fire Alarm, Disney Channel After Dark

Music: “We’re the Babysitters” by Sabrina Carpenter and Sofia Carson

Episode 71: She's Not Like Other Girls!

August 1, 2022

All right, all right, all right everyone! There is one heck of a battle ready to unfold in front of you. Us two killer MCs are gonna tear down not each other, but everything that the film Let It Shine is throwing at them. There’s certainly a lot of things to diss considering it is trying to an adaptation of a classic play with teen drama, be a musical, have deep religious theming, and have some hip-hop thrown in there for good measure. One thing for sure though, we are definitely the most appropriate people to handle all of that.

Lucas knows everything about rap and can’t get over the creepiness factor.

Emma gets wrapped up in the music and takes us to church.

Talking Points: Quick Update, Musicals Don’t Miss, Joe Wright Copying Disney Channel, The Pastel Problem, This Cast Slaps, FEDORAS EVERYWHERE, The Devil’s Music, Keeping Kids Off the Street, Hunnies in the Club, The Rap Battles Rule, Filed Down Insults, Outdated Insults, Ebb and Flo, Disney Getting Risqué, Courtney Sells the Cringe, The Soulless Anti-Vaxxer Manager, Sucker MCs, Body Shapes vs. Shadows, Current Celebrity Sighting, That’s Not What Karaoke Is, Rain of Requirement, A Classic Dead Parent Scene, The Rap Grand Slam Audience Takes No Prisoners, Absolutely Attacking A Young Girl In Front of Everyone, Walking Right Into A Marital Trap, America’s Funniest Home Videos, On Punishment, Taking The Low Road, No One Reacts To All The Fame, Adaptation Discussions, Positive Putdowns, The Absurd Window Entrance, A Series of Quick Turns, Nicki/Gaga Dating Yourself, The Poor Attitude Towards Women, Improv Or Very Specific Lyrics, A Strange Energy In The Grand Slam, An Overpowering Comeback, Everyone Has To Go To Church, A Small Mistake To End On

Music: “Don’t Run Away” performed by Tyler James Williams

Episode 70: Guys, 9/11 JUST Happened

July 4, 2022

Ahoy everyone! Join us up on the main deck as we discuss Tiger Cruise, a fun little movie about kids getting into trouble on board a Navy aircraft carrier. Doesn’t that sound like a fun little movie for us to cover on the Fourth of July? Well guess what, that movie doesn’t exist. Instead, this movie is really all about children confronting the September 11th Terrorist Attacks. The whole experience was a lot, but I think we were able to put together something for you all that isn’t a total bummer to listen in on.

Emma celebrates her president and is not immune to propaganda.

Lucas regrets his word choices and feels bad about what he’s done.

Talking Points: TRIGGER WARNING, Patriotic Casting, Arbitrary Naming, When The Aircraft Carrier Be Rocking, So Much Stock Footage, Hayden Makes You Believe, Questioning the Defense Budget, A Distasteful Depiction, Shilling the US Navy, Good Old Connie, he Green Screen Using Pullman Sparingly, A USA Network/SVU Tangent, The Captain’s Duties, Foreshadowing as Subtle As Pearl Harbor, Random Caricature Skills, Inappropriate Relationships, Sailors Gotta Eat, A Solid Heart-to-Heart, Pullman’s Sport Mode, The Theme Park Legends Tangent, The Ceremonial Pre-Terrorist Attack Talent Show, A Lack of Goofs, The New York Strong Monologue, Trashing the Connie, The Propaganda Money-shot, Reborn A Brat

Episode 69: Divorce Him

June 30, 2022

Hey, you! Quit all that monkeying around and listen to our newest episode! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Don’t expect too many amazing puns like that in this movie though. You see, The Jennie Project isn’t really about the kind of monkey-related hijinks you would expect from its premise. I know, it is very disappointing. I mean, there are plenty of messes made and silly situations our characters find themselves as a result of their animal companion. However, all of its other elements somehow manage to make all of them far less impactful than they should feel. So much so, that the movie kind of feels like it doesn’t even really exist. Not much else to say really, I’m afraid. Oh, there’s also some stuff about teaching an ape sign language? Honestly that part isn’t as important as interesting as it sounds, but I feel like it is worth a mention.

Lucas has a pronunciation problem and makes very specific references.

Emma flexes her Law & Order knowledge and makes bold claims.

Talking Points: This Movie Does Not Really Exist, Mysterious Sciences, A Rough Understanding/Depiction of Africa, Monkey Business, Everybody Hates Hugo, Bypassing Customs, A Graphic DCOM Death, Intellectual Superiority, Chimps In Clothes, Monkey VO, A Disappointing Kitchen Trashing, The Missing Religious Element, The Most Depressing Lab Ever Seen, The Staples Tangent, Monkey Sports, The Dangers of Domestic Chimpanzees, The World’s Meanest Primatologist, THE FIGHT, Lea’s Spiritual Journey, The Dramatic Treehouse Monologue, Mr. Crap, The Great Letter Caper, The Great Downhill Debate, The Apemergency Room, A Literal Scopes Monkey Trial, The Judge Who Allows Anything, Monkey Heist, Jennie Won’t Survive in the Wild

Episode 68: No Fun, No Games, Only The Mall

May 31, 2022

Oooh boy everyone, strap yourselves in for this month. Your intrepid hosts really didn’t know what they were getting themselves into by watching Bad Hair Day. It’s by no means terrible, but could possibly be the most mentally challenging film that we have yet to analyze. So much is going on that we have repeatedly summon our strength to continue, and we do it all for YOU. So the least you could do in return is join us as we go down the long and winding road this movie takes you on.

Emma loves corndogs and needed a little help finishing the movie.

Lucas doesn’t want to play games and implodes his own brain.

Talking Points: The Terrible Horrible No-Good Very Bad Title, Strangers in a Mall, Not Everything Mixes, Unfortunately You Should Maybe Watch This One, A Bold Yet Awful Beginning, The Age/Driving Confusion, Monica’s College Conundrum, Chemistry With A Cop, Enter the Matrix, It’s Cuz You Be On That Phone!, Samurai Work, Plankton’s Biopic, The Insane Lack of Setup, The Chli’s Salon, Returning a Destroyed Dress, Corndog Therapy, Palfinder, French Fry Flirting, Don’t Bash Self-Care, A Trip to the Precinct, Confusing Mom Casting, A Tragic Three-Month-Old Backstory, The Stupidest Diamond Heist, Knight & Day: The Quintessential Action Movie, The Stupidest Diamond Exchange, Ketchup For Dinner, The Totally Unnecessary Car Chase, The Third Act Breakup, A Dog Named Poopy, The Awful Editing, Stealth Heart-to-Hearts, Dramatic Exits: The Until Weapon, What Are You Gonna Do; Tase Me?, Monica Ruins Prom For Everyone Else, THE BOB

Editor’s Note: I think someone (Emma) kept kicking the table the mic was set on, so apologies for the random sound bursts that happen from time to time.

Music: “Rooftops” by Skylar Stecker

Episode 67: Dog Mischief

May 6, 2022

A big woofy welcome to you all! I hope you all are ready for things to get a little hairy, as we dive into Life is Ruff. A movie all about…okay well honestly its somewhat deceiving to call it a movie. A story of a boy and his do….actually there is barely a story there at all if you think about it. Hm. Well I hope you can understand why we have a bit of a shorter episode on our hands folks, there really isn’t a lot going on to sink our teeth into. Honestly, we probably managed to spend more time thinking about this movie than anyone working on it did. Well other than the dog, he is clearly a master of his art.

Emma notices only the least important details and gets her mind blown by dog puns.

Lucas cracks the whip and doesn’t notice the most important details.

Talking Points: This Is Nothing, Thanks For Playing!, A Truly Massive Animal, An Existential Opening, The Dog Saves the Cat, Disney Channel’s Scandal, Babyface Musso, An Age Discrepancy Issue, Expecting the Impossible, The Confusingly Delusional Villains, The Skateboarding Sucks, The Asthma Situation, No One Making This Movie Knew About Dog Shows, The Insane Long Montages, A Dog Climbs Up a House, The Terrible Dubbed Lines, THE SOUNDTRACK (LISTEN TO THE END), How Did That Work?, Meatball Play, A Woman Who Reads Comics???, A Dog’s Trauma Flashback, Canine Red Carpet, Rondell Rules, Dog Show Speedrun, Dog Goons, The Tragic Asthma Backstory, Show Don’t Suggest, A Child Runs The Dog Shelter, The Unemotional Dog Breakup, A Mystery Solved In Transit, Emily’s Complete Character Turn, Who Setup That Fire???, A Skateboarding Exhibition/Dog Competition, Preston Tries to Commit a Murder, The Worst Prop Ever

Music: “It’s a Dog” performed by Kyle Massey

Episode 66: Paraplegic Potshots

April 29, 2022

Get ready for a wild ride everyone, because there’s a lot going on with Miracle in Lane 2. It’s a story of a young boy dealing with a serious illness, and how it affects both his life and the lives of those around him. Sometimes he manages to deeply inspire people he meets, and then other times people will say possibly the most awful things you’ve ever heard to a disabled child. Will the family be divided, or will they be brought together by the experience? Oh, and then also he decides to take up Soap Box Derby racing. Though I assure you that isn’t as important to the story as you would think. So come along and join us as we try to unravel this tapestry full of subject matter that was way too complex for Disney Channel (and us too to be fair) to try and tackle.

Lucas just feels bad about everything and remembered things wrong.

Emma incepts Ayn Rand into the show and gives a lesson dramatic reading.

Talking Points: Ya Know: For Kids!, Is Soapbox Racing Even Real, A Proto Malcom, We Are Totally Unqualified For This, The Kid In the Wheelchair Gets to Complain, Mama Bear, Night Painting, Green Light Go, God Drives Nascar, Funeral for a Wheelchair, The Yoder Sports Dynasty, Salad Dressing Memories, The Family Court, Little League Insurance Scares, On the Trophy Hunt, Dr. Kwan Rules, Never Look Through Your Parent’s Drawers, Straight to the Shed, The First Projector, Special Strawberries, Vic’s Dark Backstory, Cracking the Handbrake, An Insane Heart-to-Heart, Storming Off in a Wheelchair, A Poorly Aged Handling of Mental Health, The Disney+ Music Conspiracy, TROPHY-TROPHY, Biting the Bucket, Inappropriate Car Conversations With a Child, Big Soapbox Money, Last Minute Villains, Media Literacy Saves the Day, The Virtues of Tom, Wheelchair Angels

Music: “Blessed” by Christina Aguilera

Episode 65: Missing Magic

March 31, 2022

Aloha! Do you know what time it is? Island time! That’s right, this month, we’re heading to the beautiful shores of Hawaii to talk all about Rip Girls. A movie filled with surfing, self-discovery, and…real estate? Huh, that didn’t end up sounding as enticing as I thought. Plus, there really isn’t as much surfing as you’d think with that title. Although the title is really misleading actually. Also, they didn’t even shoot it in Hawaii, and the real estate plot makes no sense when applied to a thirteen-year-old. So, uh, yeah. I guess just be prepared for a lot of teenaged self-discovery! Woot-woot!

Emma is here for Camilla Belle and gets some comeuppance.

Lucas just doesn’t get it and stands his ground about real estate.

Claire makes clear her DCOM devotion.

Talking Points: Plot vs. Emotion, A Landowning Child, Surf Lingo, A JoBros Sidebar, Camera Concerns, Computer-Made Hawaii, Driving Trucks Through Conversation, We Would All Take the Money, A Reverse Tsunami, How to Be a Better Liar, Disney Channel Safety Regulations, A Distinct Lack of Rip Girls, Dry Dock!, An (Intentional?) Lack of Laughter, IS HE AS TOGETHER AS HE SEEMS?, Ruining Your Cast, Taking Potions from Strangers, It’s Good to Inquire About Your Dead Mom, Squatter’s Rights, Call Your Parents!, Fighting Ghosts, Stealing a Dude’s Hat, The Weird Second House, A Traditional Whale Ritual Party, Ripped Off By CGI, Hawaii Itself Is the Killer, This Should Not Be Her Call, Familial Deepfakes, Ruining Surfboards Without Asking, Gia’s Missing Father, Sparkling Cider, Gia Should be Dead, The Lack of Surfing Continues, A Child Forces a Move to Hawaii, The Camilla Belle Deep Dive Interlude

Music: “Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride” by Mark Keali'I Ho'Omalu & Kamehameha Schools Children's Chorus

Episode 64: A Competent Doof

March 7, 2022

Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension (2011)

Wow, it’s been a minute huh? Don’t worry, no involuntary hiatuses caused by scheduling issues and technical problems can keep us down! Still, I don’t know how you all have managed to go so long without hearing from us. Your lives must have been so different…almost like you were living in another dimension??? Well have no fear! We’ve built just the thing to bring back to your original dimension (and also kind of back in time because this episode was recorded months ago but don’t worry about that), an episode all about Phineas and Ferb: Across the Second Dimension! Come along as we look at yet another DCOM based on a Disney Channel TV show, and look at how they just never really seem to be able to do these totally right.

Lucas respects the craftmanship on display and loves all the callbacks.

Emma tries to get her brother fired and can’t engage fully with animation.

Talking Points: Meta Updates, Poor Titles, Perry Noises, Phineas and Ferb Drop Banger After Banger, A Deconstruction of Phineas and Ferb’s Humor, Candace Is The Best, The Exposition Lair, World’s Collide, The Mysterious Force, Phineas Has Nothing to Work With, Fedora Face Blindness, THE TRI-STATE AREA, Double Doof: Pros and Cons, Niche Georgia O’Keefe References, Resisting the Resistance, Disappointing Doppelgangers, A Platypus Rescue Mission, Commercial Breaks, Major Hologram, Dooooom, Weird It Happened Twice, Getting Lost Among All the Robots, Emotional Platypus Eye Contact, The Return of Love Händel, On Your Left, A Grown Man Fistfights A Child, Getting Locked Out of Your Evil Apartment, Crimes Against Humanity, The Maddening Mindwipe, Can This Be Done Correctly?, The One Thing We All Love: Slash from Guns N’ Roses

Music: “Everything’s Better With Perry” performed by Robbie Wyckoff

Bonus Episode 7: But Hey, That's High School

December 20, 2021

Well hello there strangers! Sorry that we’ve been so radio silent for awhile, but we were busy focusing on our higher education. In many ways, it was the highest education one could receive...and now we are ready to share everything we have learned with you at the one and only SKY HIGH! By which of course I mean we just spend most of this episode yelling about how much this movie slaps and how we know it by heart at this point. So if that’s your thing, then welcome aboard. If not, the school floats and you can feel free to hop off this ride at any time. Unless you can’t fly, in which case I hope you have the number of a really good bus driver.

Emma wants her desires fulfilled and has several slips of the tongue.

Lucas demands a TV spin-off and has no eye for romance.

Talking Points: Spirits are Sky High, Development Discussions, How Did They Get This Cast?, The Slappin Soundtrack, Character Color Schemes, Kurt Russell Killing It, All About Layla, RON WILSON: BUS DRIVER, Muli-kate, The Obvious and Less Obvious Villains, A Classic Hero Appears, Boom Campbell, Will Stronghair, Our King Warren Peace, Save The World With Coke, Women Are Always Right, Empathy: The True Superpower, Teens Love Roofs, Alex Mack Explains It All, Mr. Sadboy, The Film’s Superspeed Pacing, Ill-Will Towards Will, Mayo Overload, Moody Boys, Evil Twins, Rays vs. Beams, Getting Stood Up, Swirlies, Saving Citizens, Every Bit Is a Good Bit, Flight Foreshadowing, Quiet Female Rage, Superhero Teen Parties, Super Santa, The Big Dance, Bringing Up Bébé, Ethan the Underdog, Playing The Long Game, Guinea Puppets, Tom Kenny Is Here I Guess?

Music: “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” performed by Christian Burns and “Melt With You” performed by Bowling For Soup

Episode 63: The Soul Patrol?

October 31, 2021

Hey there all you happy haunts, y’all ready to get spooky??? It’s Halloween time again, and you already know Disney Channel is all about celebrating it right. This month however, we are taking a look at one of their more underrated offerings as we join the ranks of The Scream Team (even if that’s not what they are called; don’t ask). So join us as we have a rather unique group of DCOMmentators, who are all ready to talk about these ghostly situations…and even experience one themselves!

Lucas loses control very quickly and his humor gets puninentional.

Dyllan cultivates his fanbase and makes some terrible jokes.

Sophie figures out every miniscule lesson this movie seeks to impart.

Talking Points: Emma’s Halloween Vacation, DCOM Groupies, The Really Weird Humor, Sarcastic Oversaturation, A Macabre DCOM, Kat Dennings’ Puberty Situation, Pumpkin Carving Machines, An Incredibad Theme Song, Some Amazing Castings, Father/Son Turmoil, A Dead Mom: For Simplicity, Canadassachusetts, Straight-Up Ghostbusting, DCOMurder Mystery, Fake News, ZACHARIAH KULL:FIRE GHOST, Warner Is Just The Creepiest Man Alive, Ghost Rules, The Mario Tangent, Running Through a Forest, The Afterlife Bureaucracy, The Random Robo-Rooster, The Life Force Fallacy, Everything’s Legal In New Jersey, Energy Schemes, Special Effects Acting, The Ghosts Do Nothing, The Walnut Argument, A Disney Channel B&E, New Orifice Powers, Costume Disappointment, A Massive Bonfire, The Conflict Is Solved By a Conversation, Anti-Climatic Closure

Music: “The Scream Team” by Cash Hollywood

Episode 62: The Damp Bandits

September 30, 2021

I’m not going to lie to you audience, be prepared to get deep in this month’s episode. You’d think a cute little story like The Other Me would be relatively shallow, but the movie just raises so many moral and philosophical questions we couldn’t help ourselv….haha got ya. I assure you very little gets examined here, other than the truly insane twists and turns this movie decides to go on instead of just sticking to its campy premise and tone. So why don’t you come along with us as we go follow it down each and every one of them! From Depicting nudity on Disney Channel, lunchroom dance riots, and whatever the hell is going on at the nursing home; each one promises to bring double (Get it? Because clones) the intrigue and excitement of its predecessor.

Lucas acts like his sister and wants to keep things light.

Emma dives way too deep and gets stuck down Wikipedia holes.

Talking Points: A Disney+ Snubbing, The New Millennium, A Lack of Femininity, The Junior Confusion, Yo-Yo Kid, Allison Pill Rules, No Science = Good, What Is Up With Heather, Camp Spartacus, Dodging the Draft, Ocean Pups and Otter Pops, Hypercloning, So Many Questions About the Cloning Process, The Jig Is Immediately Up, All Genders Agree: Burping Contests Are Gross, GRANDPA MORDECAI, The Universal Frisbee, Twoie’s First Day of School, The Electrifying Dance Riot, Scottie DeSota: Unlikely Hero, The Ice Cream Truck Diversion, Grandpa Mordecai Awakens, Will Goes Back to School, The Ticking Clock of Death, Getting Out On the Dance Floor, The Disney Junior Prom, Does He Know He Is Dying?, Science Juice, Chuckie Does All the Work, The Yo-Yo Argument, The Worst Place to Kidnap a Child, The Kiss No One Cares About, A Family That Lies Together Stays Together, You’re Our Son Now!

Music: “Weird Science” by Oingo Boingo

Episode 61: My Close Personal Friend Protozoa

August 31, 2021

Wow. Five whole years of our nonsense, can you believe it? Honestly it’s been so long that if feels like even more. It kind of feels more like we’re in the future…again! That’s right, we are heading back to the far-off future of the 21st Century to catch up with our favorite space station superheroine Zenon in her very own Zequel. Come and celebrate with us as we work to focus on the good parts of movie that could use a lot more of them. Honestly, you guys are lucky we didn’t decide to just start watching another movie in the middle of this episode. Luckily, our one and only king Protozoa is here in full force to make us forget our troubles every single time he shows up on screen.

Emma doesn’t understand orbit and falls down an accent hole.

Lucas feels the zum in his heart and questions all of his sister’s references.

Talking Points: Zenon Makes Everything Better, The Margie Problem, Power Rangers/Star Wars Plagiarism, All The Recastings, New Slang/New Fits, Goodbye Greg, More Like NO-rion, The Military Is Here Now, Captain Zeo-non, Make Pancaked Happen, Reused Sets, Montage Mistakes, Everyone Hates Zenon Now, DON’T ASK HOW; IT JUST DID, The Most Nonsensical Plan, Why Is Margie There???, All The CGI Is Bad, Thank God Judy Is Still Here, A Truly Insane Investigation, The Meta Narrative of The Zilogy, Everything Happens Via Zap-pad, The Jungle Slog, Protozoa Steals The Show, Button Mashing Saves The Day, Space Expert Surprises, The Stupidest Way to Blow This Plan, The Margie Redemption, The New Zealand Space Cops, The Juditive (The Fugitive But Starring Aunt Judy), The Aliens Are In Danger Now, The Zessiah, The ATV Flying V, Astrid Kar Is Important Now I Guess, All The Problems At Once, The Stepsister From Planet Weird and Zenon Crossover We’ve All Been Asking For, Put Protozoa Everywhere, The Wedding of the Century

Music: “The Galaxy Is Ours” by Protozoa

Minisode: The Fourth Annual DCOM Choice Awards

August 26, 2021

Hmmm…do you feel that? It’s that weird vibe that’s been around for awhile. What could it be? Oh, of course. It must be award season once again! Which can only mean it’s time for the DCOM Choice Awards! A most incredible celebration, where we acknowledge everything the past year of DCOMs has had to offer. The truly thrilling highs…and the far more fun to talk about lows. So walk down the imaginary red carpet to be a part of a night sure to be full of happiness, disappointment, and definitely a whole lot of outrage from the voters because of how wrong we are about movies meant for children.

Emma faces some tough choices. Lucas gets his motives called into question.

Thank you so much to everyone who voted on twitter for the awards, and if you missed the polls be sure to follow us (@dcomedypodcast) so you can have your voice heard next year!

Editor’s Note: Yes we goofed up and got our Queen Dorothea’s last name mixed up with her daughter’s first name. That one’s on us. However, none of you pointed it out when it was posted in the polls so who is really to blame here???

Episode 60: The Wild World of 1980s California

August 6, 2021

Sorry about the delay of game! Luckily, the DCOMedy Crew, along with new guest Spencer, are finally ready to take it to the hoop and talk about what might just be the greatest achievement in basketball cinema ever: Double Teamed. Join us as we journey to the strange and fantastical alternate reality of 1985 California, where rules don’t matter and girl’s basketball is the height of athletic entertainment. There we can all bear witness to the meteoric rise of two "identical" twins as they dominate the sport with their unique strategies and skills out on the court. Well okay, it’s mostly their height. Really it’s all about their height.

Lucas easily loses track of the twins and dives deep into a family’s secrets.

Emma breaks out a killer impression and awakens her inner teenage girl.

Spencer spills the secrets on being a twin.

Talking Points: Making Two Distinct Adults Look Like Thirteen-Year-Old Twins, A Title Moratorium, The Basketballing Is Both Good and Bad, A DCOM Period Piece, Larry and Mary: Two Sides of the Same Coin, The Greatest Skill of All: Height, Shady College Man/Personification of Fate, Everything Is Different Now For Some Reason, Hollow Farewells, Look At Those Freaks!, Drama Club Cliches, The Subtle But Amazing Coach, QUEEN NICKY, No Time For More Takes, A Lack of Dribbling, The Enigma Of Galen, The Missing Burge, Nicky’s Tenacity, Twin Telepathy, The Most Important Scrimmage In The World, Confidential Arts and Crafts, School District Negotiations, Infected Wounds, A Clunky But Compelling Family Argument, All The Neighbors Hate These Girls, Yachts And Fever Dreams, The Stupidest Loss, Ball Is Life, The Villain Redemption We Deserved, Chekov’s H, The Intense Other Basketball Coach, Money Shots And A Hot Hand, The Most Brutal Injury, The Perfect Counter-Strategy, The Longest Seven Seconds In Basketball

Music: “It Takes Two” by Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock

Episode 59: The Off-limits Barn

July 21, 2021

Happy Halloween Everybody!! Are you ready to get spook….wait, what? It’s not Halloween? Oh good. I knew we had to take a little break from our podcast duties which pushed this episode back, but it didn’t feel like it had been that long. Well it’s not a big deal anyway. While Invisible Sister has many of the trappings of a good ole’ Halloween DCOM, it’s not really that big a part of it. It’s more about two sisters learning more about one another through costumes, lacrosse, and (most importantly) science!

Emma shames her brother’s knowledge base and can’t get a name right.

Lucas lets guests into his mind palace and does a lot of white-knighting.

Talking Points: Science In Halloween’s Clothing, Ace-liens, Excessive Platitudes, Why CGI?, Genius/Goth, Correctly Aged Cast, The Problems With Perkins, FRO-YO, The Big Easy, Why Is George Here?, Meatballs???, Ingesting Insects for Invisibility (Brought to You By Ginger Fizz), Inconsistent Invisibility, The Fool-Proof Disguise, Spirit Circle, Boy’s Bathrooms, Lacrosse Time, Full-On Cheating, Time For a Ticking Clock, High School Labs: The Most High-tech Environment Possible, The Moth Catching Side-quest, A More Complex and Emotional Conflict, Halloween Rears Its Head, Let’s Romp the Swamp, Apologies to Nawlins, The Honeypot, Molly Makes a Weird Call, Perkins’ Finger Guns, Slow-mo Fro-yo, and Slam Narration

Music: “Invisible” by Duran Duran

Episode 58: It's Quints.

May 31, 2021

Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello! In many ways, this episode is quite different from what I’m sure anyone could have expected. Not only is it not about the movie we originally announced for this month, but we found ourselves doing a far more in-depth analysis of a movie’s emotion and themes than we usually do for a DCOM. To our credit, however, this is seemingly simple story about a bunch of babies changing peoples lives has more to it than you would think. It’s about things like art, family, and passion…but definitely still has plenty of jokes about babies pooping and peeing a lot so don’t worry yourself.

Lucas doesn’t understand babies and gets possessed.

Emma changes her mind about meatloaf and hates unreliable narration.

Austin dives deep into the each layer the film hides.

Talking Points: KJB Kills It Every Time, A Litany of Weird Bits, The Time of Octomom, Don Knotts in the Mix, The Dark Realities of These Parents, The World According to Jamie, Big Meme Energy, What’s Going On With Brad?, Lying For No Reason, MR. B: PREDATOR, Genuine Emotion, Disney Channel Sex Talk, Dancing On the Lip of The Volcano, I Didn’t Know It Was Quints, Lollipop Cigars, Infant Vibes, The Grover Opioid Crisis, The Nightmare of Making Quints, Fiona Doubtfire, The Madness of Cake and Lasagna, Jackal Johnson Is Ripped, Stealing Rainbow Brite’s Style, Saw Puzzles For Poor Parents, Jamie Demeans The Audience, A Discussion about Don Knotts Sexual History, Running While Crying, Brad: The Lost Menendez, Adam Saves The Family, Albert Is Fired For Doing His Job, Literally Pointless Bikers, Yet Another Creep Is In Power, Did This Movie Even Really Happen?, Get It Together Charlie

Music: “I’m Just a Kid” by Simple Plan